Haze
by halfbloodedprincess1
Summary: Broken is the only word Brooke knows to describe how she's feeling. The haze she's slipping into is pulling her deeper in and one person can save her. Her Nathan.
1. Chapter 1

Summary: Broken is the only word Brooke knows to describe how she's feeling. The haze she's slipping into is pulling her deeper in and one person can save her. Her Nathan

Rating: M

Warnings: Self-mutilation, Mature Content, Language

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Except for the seasons on DVD and some cheerios.

Haze

Chapter One: Steel Gray

"Man staggers through life yapped at by his reason, pulled and shoved by his appetites, whispered to by fears, beckoned by hopes. Small wonder that what he craves most is self-forgetting."

Somehow she ended up at her old apartment. For weeks she'd hung out at a hotel, avoiding anyone and everyone, especially them. Lucas and Peyton. She'd ended things with him that night. With everything going on it had been easier. She'd ended things with him to avoid a broken heart. Unfortunately that hadn't really worked out so well. Because right now it was shattered. He had convinced her to come out. And not Lucas, the other him. Nathan. Her Nathan. Not hers for a long time though. First he'd left her for Peyton and then it had been Haley. But somehow he'd managed to get her over to his apartment. It had been a week since she'd first landed on there couch. And so far it was not any easier. She turned her face up to the hot spray of water beating down on her and sighed, leaning back against the shower wall. She'd thought after the first time Lucas broke her heart nothing would hurt as bad. But this did. This was killing her. She didn't realize she was crying until she felt the tears on her cheeks. This was worse than being cheated on. This was sacrificing the love of your life so he could be happy with the girl you knew he really loved. A girl you loved. And for selfish people like Brooke it was hard. Too hard. She slouched down to the floor of the shower, water and salty tears mixing together and slipping into her mouth, the sobs now escaping dying into whimpers. The water was cold but she hardly noticed. She felt all the air building inside her like she couldn't breathe, like she was dying. Her chest was rising and falling hard like a ton of bricks was resting on top of her and she couldn't get enough air. She felt like she was dying. Blindly she reached, not even realizing what she was doing until she felt the piece of metal dragging across her skin. At first she stared at the wound, the cut running across her hip, blood seeping out. Then she felt her breathing even out. And all the pain, the real hurt, go away. She watched her red tears seep into the drain and slip away. It was forty-five minutes before she climbed out of the shower, putting a bandage on her hip and slipping on sweats despite the fact it was summer. And when she finally reclaimed her place on the couch, only moments before Haley and Nathan arrived back home, for once a smile curved her lips. For once she felt a little better.

Weeks passed, days spent on the couch of their house until the day the call came. She could tell Nathan had been expecting it. Someone who wanted Haley to tour for the summer. And because he respected her so much he said okay. And then the tutor-girl was gone and he was her Nathan again. But he wasn't. He rarely said much, and it wasn't like she expected them to be best friends. But then again she wasn't much for conversation lately. She lived in some sort of numb stupor, a self-induced bubble. The piece of shiny steel that she taped into her makeup kit had become her new best friend, the slashes covering her now boney hips a kind of trophy. Nathan never questioned her long showers, though he complained about her lack of eating. But mostly she was on her own. On her own with her thoughts and her red tears.

It wasn't until Haley had been gone for two weeks that things changed. Lucas's calls stopped and she knew the reason. Nathan did to, that's why he stopped bringing him, or her, up around Brooke. For some reason he was spending more and more evenings with her on the couch, watching South Park reruns and laughing hysterically. Brooke actually looked forward to something.

"Brooke, you haven't touched your pizza." It was a Friday…or a Thursday she'd lost track, but whatever it was he was there and they'd ordered pizza and no she hadn't touched it. She shrugged and threw her plate with a slightly picked at slice of pizza back on top of the box.

"Yeah, I don't have an appetite." Nathan eyeballed her for a long moment.

"He really did a number on you, huh?" She looked at him, the pain in her eyes answering him. He looked away.

"Brooke, Haley, she told me to take care of you. But the thing is I'm not sure how. You seem, you look, well broke." She didn't say a word still. He was right. She had lost too much weight, her hip bones jutting out, and her ribs visible. Not only that but she was pale, dark circles ringing her eyes. Finally he saw the tears welling up and he reached for her, pulling her, crushing her to his chest. She scrunched her hands up, fistfuls of t-shirts in her hands, sobbing brokenly, her tears wetting his shoulder. But she didn't mind. This was her Nathan.

_"Nathan stop spraying me! It is not funny." An eleven year old Brooke Davis held her hand up, blocking the water hoses freezing water as she pulled her long dark hair into a ponytail. She stood in her bikini, pink with red polka dots, Nathan in blue swim trunks. They were in his backyard, his mother watching Brooke for the day. A play date they called it. Nathan laughed. _

_"Yeah it kinda is." Brooke rolled her eyes, biting back a smile and ran past him cannon-balling into the huge pool, splashing Nathan and soaking him. He laughed and followed her into the pool. They were best friends, had to be. They'd been born to two of the most prominent families in Tree Hill. Nathan grabbed Brooke by her ponytail, pulling her to him and pushing her under. When she emerged red-faced he'd been choking on water from laughing. _

_"Jerk-off." She muttered the insult under her breath and swam away. Nathan sighed. _

_"Brooke, come on. It was a joke." She eyed him and then busted out laughing from the worried expression on his face. _

_"I know Nate; I'm just messing with you." He chuckled and started to swim away, before doubling back and pinning her to the wall. _

_"Nate, come on, enough." He shook his head, preparing to dunk her again. Instead he froze, her lips on his. The kiss itself was innocent, both of their first, Brooke's lips pressing against his for a few seconds. And when she pulled away to find his eyes wide with shock, a giggle escaped her lips. _

_"Brooke, what?" She grinned and shrugged. _

_"I don't know. I just wanted to." He bit down on his lip, the taste of her cherry chap-stick lingering there. _

_"But why?" Irritation gathered in her eyes. A moment later she shrugged. _

_"Cause you're my Nathan." She smiled softly and swam off, leaving him with an arm resting again the side of the pool, trying to figure out what just happened. Because whatever that was, he wanted to do it again._

Brooke let Nathan hold her for what seemed like forever, and he wasn't letting go anytime soon. He took her back to his room and laid her on the bed, covering her with covers when she'd finally cried herself to sleep. After a moment he pressed a kiss to her forehead and walked out to the couch. He would take care of her. She was his Brooke.

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	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two: Superficial

One day, long after Nathan had left for work, she logged onto her account on his computer and google'd herself. Or at least what she had been doing. Cutting. Or self-mutilation as the computer called it. Turns out a whole collection of people did it, in a whole lot of different ways. And this major website categorized them. And cutting was under it own one. One called superficial. She had to laugh.

Superficial. Slut. Selfish. Bitch. Those were words she had always been called, and she'd come to except it. But all the times she spent slouched against the sink, blood pouring down her legs was anything but. She slammed the laptop shut and closed herself in the bathroom. It was almost as if even that had let her down.

Nathan arrived home late that night, the smell of rum on his breath, but he wasn't drunk. Brooke had taken over the couch again, her toes curled under her, hair wet and long down her back. She was asleep, eyes closed. Nathan watched her for a long time. She was beautiful, so beautiful. Always had been. When they were younger and she'd come over for sleepovers Deb had spent hours doing her hair and dressing her up. Nathan had always said it was that that gave her the complex. Everyone had wanted a daughter like Brooke, a tiny princess. He could remember her way back when no one else could. When she was three her mother dressed her in dresses and patent leather shoes everyday, and her then black hair had never been cut. She was so gorgeous with her dark hair and contrasting ivory skin, those huge dimples, and even then she'd had more energy to her than anyone she'd ever met. She was so full of life, just amazing. Until now. And a part of him hated his brother for it. Hated his ex-girlfriend too. But the biggest part of him blamed himself. Because he had given her no time, no sympathy when she really needed it. And that made him a liar.

_"Nathan, hold still, your breaking my hip." Nathan gritted his teeth and rolled off Brooke, his girlfriend of two years. He leaned back, breath coming in hard gasps. They'd been in the middle of one of their make out sessions in the pool house behind Brooke's. It always ended up with her shoving him out the door and him hating her for the torture she was causing him. He shot a silent prayer towards the heavens to give him patience, something he always needed with Brooke. She rolled over and leaned her head on his chest, her wide green eyes sending chills down his spine. _

_"Nathan, you aren't mad at me are you?" He shook his head and wrapped a strong arm around her. He couldn't be. _

_"No, Brooke I'm not mad." She searched his face and then reached behind her, for something he couldn't see, and then held up a neatly wrapped foil package. His eyes widened._

_"Brooke. What?" She pressed her finger against his lips and shook her head. _

_"Nathan you love me don't you." He nodded. He did. She was so amazing it was hard not to. _

_"Brooke, of course I love you. I promise you that I will never let anyone hurt you. I love you so much Cantaloupe." The nickname he'd given her was a play on her middle name, Penelope; they both had a nack for making up nicknames._

_"I love you too." And with that she'd given him everything she had. And it was only weeks later he was with Peyton. _

Nathan shook his head at the memory. She hadn't been her first. There was that girl at the party he went to while they were on a break, Tatum or Taylor or something. But Brooke didn't know. She never would. He walked over to the counter and sat down, opening his lap top. On the screen was a website, titled Self-mutilation in teenagers. He closed it quickly and looked at her. Brooke? No. She loved the way she looked to much to mess with her body. She was far too superficial for that kind of behavior. He padded down the hall into his bedroom and slammed the door.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three: Animal I've Become

The apartment felt stuffy now, the summer heat too much for Nathan too bear. The A/C had broke and he didn't have the money to get it fixed yet. He could barely stand to be in the apartment while Brooke never left it, still curled up on the couch, _under covers_. He didn't get it. Couldn't get it. She would be watching Oprah when he got home from work, probably with a cup of ice chips in her lap. He wanted her to eat but it was also interesting to see how long one person could live off frozen water and the occasional glass of sweet tea. He knew she wasn't intentionally not eating, she just couldn't. Didn't need to. But he didn't get why she had let Lucas and Peyton completely destroy her. She was too good for that, too good to let those people hurt her that way. So that was why he decided that they were leaving the house. No ifs, ands, or "Please Nathan, I don't wannas", allowed. He threw a pair of jeans and one of those stringy tops she liked to wear at her and closed her in the bathroom. Then he waited, sitting on the couch.

The entire living room smelled like her…like her shampoo and something sweet, almost like marshmallows. He leaned his head back on the couch and wondered if she would ever get over it. Pretty soon it would be college time, he would be off to Duke, which didn't mean much. It was only thirty minutes away so he wasn't moving but still, he wouldn't be able to come if she needed him. Besides she needed to figure out what she was doing. But this was a step, getting her out of the house after over a month shut in. She emerged from the bathroom, dressed, hair up in a ponytail, with a little make-up. She looked almost like the old Brooke. If you could overlook that her previously skin tight clothes hung off her and the sparkle in her stunning green eyes was gone. She gave him a look.

"So we gonna go or are you just going to sit there?" He swallowed and she grinned slightly, something he'd missed, even though it still didn't reach her eyes.

"Like I wasn't the one waiting on you Davis. Come on, I'm starved." She grabbed her purse and followed him nervously, him stopping and giving her a look. Just walking out the front door made her anxious. He missed the old Brooke desperately, only wanted to protect this new creature. He put an arm around her protectively and opened the car door for her, watching her slide in.

"So, what's on the agenda?" She gave him a false smile. He knew she didn't want to be out but he also knew she needed to be.

"I thought we'd go to Slice of Life, get some pizza, and then maybe catch a movie. Sound good?" She looked out her window, nodding. That was one word for it. She didn't know what was wrong with her. Why she didn't want to leave the apartment, why she hated everything, everyone. Why the idea of food made her stomach roll, why the feel of steel slicing her skin was more appealing than watching an Adam Sandler movie. She had no clue. But she hated herself for it. The car rolled to a stop and she hopped down, finding her footing a bit unsteadily. She blinked and looked at him.

"What's the date?" He chuckled.

"July 29." She nodded wordlessly. It would've been her and Lucas's six month anniversary. And it was just a month until her birthday. She swallowed hard and followed him into the small pizzeria, the smell of pesto assaulting her senses. Nathan waited for her to choose a booth, slide in, and then sat across from her.

"So, what's your pleasure?" She shrugged and Nathan eyed her for a long moment, licking his bottom lip hesitantly.

"How about we just get some cheese sticks this time?" His voice was low, reassuring and she smiled at him, almost one of those old smiles, and nodded. He just got her, no matter what. It had always been that way. Then her eyelids faltered and she remembered a time when that hadn't been true.

_"Nathan, what are you talking about?" He shook his head and crossed his arms, looking at her from across the room, standing in her doorway. _

"I just don't think we're working Brooke." She gave him a look, tears filling her gorgeous green eyes. Not working. They'd been best friends their whole lives, together for two. She was just fourteen and she'd given him everything.

"Nate, what? Why?" He looked down and tugged his arms around himself. Her birthday was soon. Couldn't he have just waited? He couldn't bear to look at her, see the pain in her eyes. Because he couldn't explain. She was so perfect, his angel. And he didn't deserve it. Not with the way he'd slept with that Taylor girl. Not with how he had just kissed the new girl, Teresa. He gritted his jaw. What was wrong with him?

"Brooke, I can't explain, just know it's not because of you." She shook her head, tears spilling down her cheeks.

"Don't give me that Nathan. I just…just go." He stood there, staring at her, tears in his own eyes. She gave him a venomous look and picked up the snow globe he had given her on there two year anniversary, throwing it at his head and missing by a mile.

"Just get out!" And he had. He turned on his heel and ran down the stairs, ashamed of his own tears, of what he had done. Brooke felt, at first, that he really was sorry. That he would come to his senses. Then Peyton had come to her, asked for her approval. Could she date Nathan? And what could Brooke say but yes. Because she loved them.

Funny how that scenario had seemed to repeat itself. They ate slowly, the conversation easy, and she was almost enjoying herself. She even ordered a milkshake before they left. And then it had happened. They were in the parking lot, about to climb in the car when she saw it, Peyton's car. And leaned against the hood was him, with her tangled in his arms, his lips crashed against hers. Brooke felt the small cry escape her lips more than heard it, but Nathan had and so did the pair that know jerked apart. Lucas eyes her with worried eyes, Peyton's gaze was more tender, more sorry. She opened her mouth to say something but Brooke just jerked away, got in the car. She saw Nathan look at Lucas, something indescribable in his eyes. Protective hate. Something hard and then he just shook his head and climbed into the driver seat.

"Brooke, you okay." She looked at him, not crying, not feeling anything really, just breathing hard and gnawing on her lip.

"No, I'm fine, I just wanna go home now. Is that okay. Just…take me home Nate." He nodded and sped out of the parking lot.

Neither of them spoke a word and when they got home she shut herself into the bathroom without a backward glance and he heard the shower come on.

Brooke leaned against the sink, fully clothed, one side of her jeans pulled down, exposing angry scars, recent cuts, and a brand new one that was quickly losing blood, a soft whimper escaped her lips and she tilted her head back, reveling in how good it felt. She would never understand why, or how but it did. It made things easier. She looked up at the noise, fear running through her. She couldn't believe it. The doorknob was turning and it hit that she hadn't locked it, caught up in what she had seen. She pulled her jeans up quickly, the fabric assaulting the still bleeding cut. But his shocked eyes told her he'd seen enough. The metal on the sink, the blood covering her hands.

Reviews please. Thanks! Hope you enjoyed.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four: Stay With Me

She stood there for a second, unsure of what to do. Finally she just moved, putting her back to him, and turning the water in the sink on, washing blood off herself and the razor blade. No use in making excuses, Nathan was a jock not an idiot. She felt the tears stinging her eyes, ashamed. What would Nathan think, what would he say? Slowly she felt hands on her shoulders, turning her. He took her wrists in his, inspected them and then sighed.

"Where?" She took a breath and hitched one side of her jeans down, enough to expose some of the cuts. For a second he stumbled backwards, and she could hear him breathing hard and she couldn't force herself to look into those stunning blue eyes. He moved forwards slowly, first touching her chin, pushing it up until she was looking at him. At first she thought he was going to yell at her, but then she realized it wasn't anger that was burning in his eyes, it was hurt and something else that she couldn't quite put a finger on. Finally his arms were around her, pulling her close and he was whispering things she couldn't make out into her hair. Finally he pulled away.

"Brooke, I should have known. I'm sorry." She shook her head and swallowed hard, brushing tears away.

"Nathan, you don't have anything to be sorry for. I'm just…it's stupid." He shook his head and handed her a cloth to hold against the still bleeding cut. She'd gone a little too deep and her eyes were starting to swim. He noticed and put an arm under her leg, one under her neck, and carried her to his bed, laying her down in it, but surprisingly he lay next to her.

"Brooke, if you're doing it, it's obviously not. You're obviously not okay. And you need to talk to someone." She gave him a withering look.

"A shrink?" He shook his head.

"I don't know. Can you talk to me?" Their was a question in his eyes. He wanted to see if she trusted him. And she did.

"I will Nate, I just don't know how." He tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear and left a finger lingering on her cheek.

"When?" She swallowed.

"I don't know, my first night here, something like that. And don't ask why, cause I have no clue. It just, I feel like it's less of a hurt than…the other. I feel like when I cut, I let go of stuff. It helps…" He shook his head and his hand went to her waistband, pulling it down a bit.

"No, it doesn't. Look what you did to yourself B. I know, I should have done something sooner, I should have known." She reached out to touch his side, holding her hand just above his chest, afraid to touch him.

"Don't feel responsible." He took a ragged breath, glad to see the bleeding had stopped and the color was coming back to her cheeks.

"I do though. Cause I promised you I would take care of you Brooke." She shook her head and smiled softly.

"Nate, that was forever ago." He shrugged.

"I promised you Brooke. I sat here and watched you fall apart." He leaned closer, the hurt almost radiating off him, combined with his it was some kind of force field only they could feel.

"So, what are you going to do about it Nathan. There is nothing. You can't." He shook his head.

"I can. I'm going to fix you B. I promise." She tilted her head up at him in question and felt his hands on her back, strong and warm.

"But why?" He gave her a look.

"Cause you're my cantaloupe." She smiled and this time it was for real, lighting up her green eyes just a bit.

"Do you know how long it has been since you called me that?" He laughed lightly, and she could feel his cinnamon breath on her skin, hot and intoxicating.

"Far too long." She nodded and settled slowly against his chest, strong and hard, and smelling like her Nathan. Far too long.

_"Where am I?" Brooke sat up in the back of Nathan Scott's car, hung over and pissed. She had on a skin tight red dress and too red lipstick. She was probably drunk before she even arrived at his Dad's party that night. He smirked at the thought and handed her a bottle of water. _

"My truck. You're lucky I didn't just leave you there, on the floor. I have to say I thought about it." She have him a withering glare.

"I'm sure you did. God knows we haven't been civil in a long time." He looked away. She was still his old best friend, she still knew him better than anyone. And besides all that, he was still completely in love with her. She took a swig of the water and leaned her head against the window. They were parked in her driveway. All the cars were gone, her parents were off on business.

"Brooke, what you did tonight. Showing everyone that thing with Haley, it wasn't cool." She gave him a knowing look.

"Nathan, what you did two years ago, breaking up with me for my best friend. It wasn't cool." He looked away and rolled his eyes. Whatever.

"Seriously Nate, I'm sorry. I guess, I've just been caught up in stuff. I'll make it up to you." he looked at her.

"Brooke, are you propositioning me?" She laughed and bit her lip.

"Depends, are you propositionable? Relax Nate, I'm just kidding. No, I mean, I'll get tutor-girl back for you." His mind still reeling from how close she was he shrugged. Whatever, at this point the couldn't think about anyone but Brooke, much less Haley James.

"Brooke, do you hate me?" She gave him an odd look.

"Are you high?" He shook his head

"I just mean, I didn't mean to hurt you, then, and well I would never want to hurt you when all I want to do is protect you." She leaned forward a bit.

"So? Protect me." He let out a shuddery breath. Brooke was amazing. And when he leaned forward, pressing his lips to hers softly he almost couldn't believe that he had let her go in the first place. She leaned into his kiss hungrily, her fingers pressed into his abs. He pulled her across the seat and into his lap, her tiny body straddling him. His fingers dug into her sides as her tongue slipped into his mouth, reacquainting itself with his. She ran her fingers up his chest, delving into the hair at the base of his neck. His lips roamed over Brooke's hot skin, wanting to erase every other guy who had been with her since himself. He reached a spot on her neck, just below her ear, knowing what it did to her and felt her heart race speed up against his lips. She started to trail her hands back down his chest arching into him and grinding down, feeling his breathing become harder and his lips on her neck more fervent. She unbuckled his belt and unclasped his jeans and worked it open slowly, grinning up at him. She stopped, letting him adjust the seat so it was leaned all the way back and as far away from the steering wheel as possible, double-checking the emergency brake. He watched as she unbuttoned every button of his blue button down, helping her ease it off her shoulders, and then pulled his wife beater over his head. She captured his mouth in hers again and he spanned his strong hands over her back, finding the zipper and pulling it down. When finally she sank down onto him, pushing him inside her, they were both already there. Hell, just looking at her could do it for Nathan. He reached down and helped Brooke along, her moans letting him know it was okay to come. Besides, he couldn't have held off any longer. And when she collapsed against his he couldn't help but whisper into her ear one last time.

"I love you Cantaloupe." She's mock glared up at him.

"Come on, we aren't kids anymore." He laughed. No they weren't.

She looked up at him, both seeming to have remembered that night at the same time. His eyes were dark and hers slightly glazed.

"Nate, maybe I should go." He shook his head.

"No, don't. I shouldn't be begging you, but I need you here with me. I need to know your safe. Stay with me." She nodded and he covered them with the sheets, his arm lain over her, his hand resting over the scars that covered her waist. She shimmied out of jeans, remaining in boy shorts and a wife beater, while he just stayed dressed, knowing if she even moved a certain way at this point the would lose it, just grab her, make sure she remembered that he had her first. And he'd damned if he weren't her last. Because as much as he hated it, he loved her. So damn much it hurt. He tangled himself up with her, the smell of her shampoo finding it's way into his nostrils. She felt so tiny, so perfect against him. And he knew, knew that he could never let her go again. When he heard her breathing even out he dropped a kiss on the satiny skin of her forehead.

"I love you B." And with that he drifted off.

Just so you know, the flashback was based around the episode, Life in A glass house, in which Brooke is collapsed on Nathans floor on the end and it never shows what happens, except she ends up with Peyton.

So, what do you think. Please review me. It's that lil button. Uh-huh, that one.


	5. Chapter 5

Hey, sorry it took so long for the ud, but I couldn't get ff to work for me to get signed in, its been written for days now. Love ya guys! I'm working on a Brucas (I know, I have many different personalities lol) that will be up soon, and a Logan/Veronica fic thats on a different website, so I've got a lot going on :P

Nathan woke up early the next morning, Brooke still pressed against his chest, her breath tickling his skin. The first rays of sunlight, all pink and gray filtered in through the blinds. He took a long breath, not wanting to move Brooke but needing desperately to pee. He didn't want her to wake up to find him gone either. Slowly he pulled away from her, until her head was resting against the pillow, strands of long chocolate brown hair fanned out around her. There was no doubt in his mind that Brooke Davis was the most stunning thing he'd ever seen, her dark hair a contrast to the milky white skin that felt like satin against his fingertips. He held back a smile, noting on how much younger she looked like this, reminding him of the days before high school, before Peyton and Lucas and…his wife. He glanced at the manila envelope that lay on his desk and shook his head before padding into the bathroom. When he came back to the room Brooke was still asleep, one arm tucked under the pillow. Nathan dropped a swift kiss to the crown of her head, drank in the smell of her strawberry scented shampoo and grabbed his keys.

When Nathan returned twenty minutes later, a bag from Starbuck's under his arm and two drinks in his hands he found Brooke still asleep. He chuckled and sat down softly on the bed next to her, placing the food on his dresser. Taking a soft breath he brushed some hair out of her face and leaned down to one of her ears, his lips just barely grazing its deliciously soft skin.

"Hey B, wake up. I've got the magic ticket. " Slowly her thick eyelashes fluttered open and she gazed at him, then over at the digital clock on the nightstand.

"Is there any particular reason you've woke me up at 6:49 in the morning, or am I just special." He held up a the caramel macchiato he'd purchased for her and raised an eyebrow. She grinned greedily and grabbed it.

"Oh see, now we're talking." She took a sip and sat up all the way, crossing her legs and looking at him. He was dressed in jeans and a dark blue t-shirt that made his eyes jump out even more than usual, his hair was longer than it had been in forever and adorably messy, she didn't even realize she was reaching up to smooth it down until she'd already done it. A slight blush crept into her cheeks and she pulled her hand away. Nathan gave her one of his "aren't I cute" smiles and took a sip from his coffee, plain, black and to Brooke, utterly disgusting. But there was nothing disgusting about that grin.

"Here, I got you a blueberry cream cheese danish too." She gave him an odd look and then took a bite from the treat, savoring the wonderful flavor.

"Mmm, heaven. So, obviously you want something. What?" She kinked her eyebrow and he leaned back against the headboard.

"Well, I have to start college in a week and of course, I'll be home in the evenings and all, but it won't be like now and you'll be doing what exactly?" She gave him a narrow-eyed look.

"I'm not saying you need to do something right away Brooke, I'm just saying you can't stay in here for the rest of your life." She sighed and nodded.

"I know, I know Nate. I will, I promise. But I feel like I've been broken and it's going to be a while before I'm all put back together. As much as you want to help me, I have to do it on my own." He sighed, knowing she was right, but hating it. She stood up and walked from the room, returning a moment later and handing him something, a sharp piece of metal with rust colored stains on it. He looked at her after a long moment.

"I'm going to take a shower and I don't want that in there. I want it gone." He nodded and she turned to go but he caught her wrist in his hand.

"Brooke, I want to tell you something." She looked at him, green eyes brighter than he'd seen them in days.

"Haley and I are getting divorced, I got the papers yesterday." She sighed and sank into the bed beside him.

"Not again. Why?" He chuckled lightly and shrugged.

"It was mutual, she and I….she was my high school girl." Brooke laughed.

"Your high school wife? So are you going to have a college one too?" He shook his head and took a breath.

"Haley and I more than rushed into that you know, and she's really getting into her music now, you know she finally signed with Epic, and I didn't want to be a rock stars wife, never, and with basketball it would be too hard." She nodded.

"And that was it?" She gave him a questioning look.

"There were other reasons Brooke, but they're not important right now, what's important is me taking care of you. So go shower while I get rid of this, and when you're ready we're going to go out again, and then we're going to go out tomorrow, and the next day, until you can leave here on your own." She smiled softly and nodded, going to shower. As soon as he heard the water start running he glanced down at the piece of metal in his hand, finally flicking it into the trash and carrying the back out to the dumpster.

When Brooke asked him if there were any other reasons every fiber in him wanted to reach out, grab her and make her his again. And then she came out of the bathroom, clad in a towel and nothing else and it was like he literally had to hold himself to the stool he was sitting at in the kitchen.

"Nate have you seen my pink and brown shirt…the one that Tim always stares at my chest while I'm wearing?" Nathan gulped and shook his head, finding himself looking at the same area.

"Umm, yeah actually, I think I washed it with my stuff a few days ago. Come on." He walked back to the bedroom and she followed, her feet just barely making a noise against the carpeted floor. He heard her laugh a little and looked at her.

"What." She shook her head as he dug through a pile of clean clothes.

"It's just adorable that you did laundry, a for yourself, b for me." He gave her a long look and then decided to just ask the question.

"You do know how to do laundry don't you?" She gave him a sheepish look and he groaned.

"Brooke, you're almost eighteen!" She gave him a defensive look.

"We had people that did that for us when I was little, then when I lived with Karen, she did it, and when I lived with Haley she did it. It's not my fault." Brooke pouted a bit and Nathan shook his head.

"Well, I'm going to teach you later on than. For now, here's your shirt." She nodded and took it from him.

"Thanks. You know, you being all domestic is kind of hot." He grinned.

"Really." She nodded and bit her bottom lip, Nate knew it was what she did when she was about to say something she didn't want to, but because she was Brooke she would. Brooke seemed to have missed that part of the brain that everyone else cause, the one that gave you inhibitions.

"Yeah, you being all married with Haley, God it just made me want you like crazy." He smirked and took a step closer to her.

"Brooke, seeing you with anyone but me has always made me crazy." She gave him a look.

"Then maybe you shouldn't have broken up with me Nate." With that she turned and walked from the room, a bit flustered. Nathan shook his head. When she emerged, dressed in that super low cut shirt, jeans, and a pair of flip flops she looked so hot he couldn't have vocalized right then if he'd needed to. Thankfully she just grabbed the collar of his shirt and pulled him out the door.

"Come on Divorced guy, lets go shopping." Nathan watched her as they walked out the door, suddenly unsure if this was really Brooke, or some façade she had put up.

Thanks! Read and Review! Also, there will be more about Haley later on...there will be a few chapters of clear sailing...and then a possible tidal wave...


	6. Chapter 6

Hey guys, so some fluff sounded nice to me. And like you deserved it. Here's the next chapter.

Daddy's Girl

The sound of the vacuum running at three A.M. woke Nathan, at first thinking it was a tornado, he ran into the living room clad in his boxers and nothing else. But instead of finding a natural disaster he found Brooke fully dressed, bright eyed, singing an Aly and A.J. song at the top of her lungs while cleaning. Cleaning. He leaned against the doorway and shook his head, finally reaching down and pulling the plug out of the socket. Brooke looked up, alarmed but that faded into a smile.

"Good morning! I have muffins in the oven, and there's a glass of OJ for you in the fridge. I thought I would get a jump on cleaning." Nathan looked at her for a second, slack jawed. He shook his head once. The place looked spotless, perfect. He looked at his watch and then at her.

"Brooke, it's 3:23. In the morning. Is it necessary for you to clean right now." She pouted and slumped back onto the couch.

"I was just trying to be nice. I mean, since it is such a special day and all." He gave her a pointed look, hiding a smile.

"What's so special about today?" He had thought maybe she'd forgotten, since she hadn't mentioned it once.

"It's your birthday idiot. Nineteen is very important you know." He chuckled and nodded grabbing a muffin off the counter.

"Not really. But it's nice of you to do all this B." She shrugged, blushing the tiniest bit, pushing the strap of her tank top up her shoulder, and he couldn't stop his eyes from following the piece of material. She noticed but didn't say anything, just smiled wordlessly.

"So, you should get dressed and pack a bag." He looked at her, biting the blueberry muffin, and rejecting the urge to spit it out. Okay, so maybe Brooke couldn't cook. She didn't need to be informed of that. He chewed the cardboard like food and raised an eyebrow.

"Umm, are you kidnapping me?" She nodded, her green eyes dancing in a way he hadn't seen in what seemed like forever. And suddenly it didn't matter if it was his birthday, he just wanted to see her like this, happy.

"Yes. So pack, and don't forget swim trunks." She fidgeted for a second and then reached up on impulse and threw her arms around his neck, pressing herself against his bare chest. Her breath tickled his ear as she whispered.

"Happy Birthday Nate." He grinned and stopped her as she went to pull away, securing his arms around her waist and letting her pull back just enough to look into those eyes. Her eyes flashed with something, a sudden vulnerability, reminding him of something else.

_"Mom, look, Timmy got me the new Power Ranger." A six-year-old Nathan held the toy up in front of his mothers appraising eyes and grinned. Deb nodded as a silver BMW pulled into their driveway, the lawn full of kids for Nathan's birthday party. He was the oldest child in his grade, Kindergarten hadn't even begun and he was already six. He was much taller than the other kids, and quite handsome. Mischievous too. _

_"Nathan, I want you to meet a friend of mine, and his daughter. This is a business associate of mine, Hyatt Davis, and his daughter Brooke." Nathan's head swiveled, at first in disinterest but then he eyed the girl in front of him. She was amazingly beautiful, decidedly younger than himself, and looking quite nervous at being introduced to him. She reached for her fathers hand but he brushed it away and Nathan, being more perceptive than the normal child, noticed the hurt that flashed through her eyes. She was tiny, more so than any of the other girls there, with a dress on, red with white polka dots, her long raven hair was up in a high ponytail, a red ribbon holding it in place. Bright green eyes took in his face easily, then she held out a wrapped box. _

"Happy Birthday Nathaniel." He took the gift and wrinkled his nose up slightly.

_"Thanks, it's just Nathan. How old are you?" She held up four tiny fingers, the youngest person there. Her birthday came late, and she would always be the baby of their group. _

_"Cool. Well, come on, we can go play. My friend Peyton is pretty cool. You guys could be tight." She looked at him and he felt a shock of surprise run through him as her fingers hesitantly reached for his, her green eyes nervous. He didn't want to be like her father though, so he tightened his fingers around hers and gave his mother a nod before walking off, wondering if she was screwing Brooke's dad. That's what business associate meant to him, at least with his mother. _

"Nathan, come on, we have to get on the road." In hour later Brooke sat in his Dodge Caliber, her head stuck out the window. She'd changed into a jean skirt and powder blue halter, her bathing suit on under it. Finally Nathan emerged from the house, a bag thrown over his shoulder. He piled into the passenger seat and gave her a look.

"You're driving?" She nodded.

"Uh-huh. Don't worry I won't wreck your baby." They drove for a long time, almost three hours, mostly along the coast line. Finally she pulled into the parking lot of a huge hotel, the name Addison Resort plastered at the top. She held up a key card.

"We have the penthouse suite, courtesy of Hyatt Davis. He's used it so many times to take his secretaries to, the place was glad to do his darling daughter a favor." Nathan grinned.

"Brooke Davis, you officially rock." She grinned.

"Oh, it's official now? Come on Scott, I hear the suite has special rights to the pool top pool. Its all ours for the next five days. And I seriously need some sun." He chuckled as she led the way into the hotel.

The suite was amazing. Seven rooms, two bedrooms, a huge bathroom with a Jacuzzi. Even Dan Scott couldn't afford this luxury. Nathan collapsed back on the bed in the huge master bedroom.

"I could live here?" Brooke laughed.

"Yeah, I know. I mean, we own it, but Dad always said it was for business purposes. I don't know if any legal business transactions went down here, but some other stuff did. Do you remember my Dad?" He laughed and nodded, the smile not reaching his eyes.

"Unfortunately." Brooke shrugged and sat on the bed beside him.

"Some people just aren't cut out to be parents, mine are some of those. Dad, he just, he doesn't like kids. It's not his fault. I'm not particularly fond of them when they are all drolly and diapered up either." Nathan looked at her.

"But he had no right to treat you that way. No right to treat any human, much less his daughter that way. They way he talked to you Brooke, I wanted to kill him sometimes." She shrugged and didn't say anything, finally sitting up.

"Come on, lets go check out the pool. I hear there's a water slide." She grinned and ran in front of him, his hand catching her just before she got out of reach and pulling her back onto the bed, onto his lap.

"Hey B, thanks so much. For the birthday and all. Even if your muffins sucked." She rolled her eyes playfully and rested her palm against his green and white polo shirt.

"Don't mention it Nate. You in a hotel room with an underage minor, it's not going to be _that _interesting of a week." He laughed and she escaped his grasp. Watching her run into the elevator he shook

So, warning: SMUT guaranteed next chapter!

REVIEW or I won't write the smutiness lol :P


	7. Chapter 7

here it is! Le Smut

Chapter 7(I think): Shiver

Brooke lay sprawled out on a pink float, her earphones in place, and sunglasses perched on her nose. Nathan watched her from his seat in a lounge chair, ahalf smile on his face. She'd been asleep for at least fifteen minutes and he hadn't taken his eyes off her once. Her skin already had taken on a healthier color after the three hours they'd been at the pool, splashing around until Brooke could hardly breathe from being dunked repeatedly. She looked perfect. Well, with the exception of the jagged scars that peaked out of the sides of her bikini bottoms. But Nathan had chosen to overlook them for now, focusing in on other areas of the brunettes flawless figure. She looked adorable in the oversized sunglasses, younger somehow. A second later he saw her shift in her sleep and lay back, pretending not to be watching her, and busied himself with flipping through his Ipod. She pushed her sunglasses up on her head a moment later, her foot tapping the water rhythmically to whatever she was listening to.

"How long was I asleep?" Her voice was rough with sleep and he chuckled a bit, throwing his Ipod aside and climbing into the sparkling water.

"A few minutes. Don't worry, I wouldn't have let you burned." She wrinkled her nose and smiled, setting her Ipod on the side of the pool and laying her head back on her float.

"I know." He grinned and ran a hand through his quickly drying hair and then dove under the water. She groaned, knowing what was coming, before he rammed the underside of her float, throwing her into the water. She gasped as the cool water hit her and struggled for the surface, finally reaching it and clamping one hand on Nathan's shoulder when she realized she couldn't touch the bottom. He grinned and wrapped his arm around her waist.

"Shorty. Jeez Brooke, I have to remember to feed you more often." Though he knew that people weighed less in the water Brooke felt like nothing. She grinned and rolled her eyes.

"I'm not a pet Nate, you don't have to remember to do anything for me." He laughed and pulled her a bit tighter against his chest.

"I forgot. You're a _big girl_ now." She laughed and slapped his chest lightly, but left her fingers lingering lightly on his skin, and he felt like they were burning right through him. He tightened his hold on her and she sighed breathily.

"Dammit Nate." He loosened his hold and gave her a concerned look.

"Did I hurt you?" She shook her head and smiled playfully, her eyes darkening in contradiction.

"The opposite actually." He laughed at the realization and then felt his gaze slipping to her lips. Before he could do anything she was crushing her lips against his and it took him less than a second to react, his tongue delving into her open mouth. She grinned against his lips and he tugged her close until she was firm against him, her bikini and his swim trunks the only barriers between each other. His fingers ran over her smooth skin, over every single rib, and then down to her pelvic bone, where it still jutted out angrily. She sighed and ground against him, trying to find purchase somewhere, and he pushed her against the side of the pool, music filtering in the air from her still playing Ipod.

You build me up. You knock me down. Provoke a smile, and make me frown. You are the queen of runaround, you know it's true

His fingers found there way to the strings at her neck and she moaned when the fabric fell from her chest, leaving her open to his fingers ministrations. He collected fistful of her damp locks in his hand lifted it off her shoulder, leaning down and kissing the chlorine flavored skin there. Her whole body trembled at his touch and he looked up to see her head thrown back against the side of the pool. He touched her cheek.

"I need you to look at me Brooke. I don't want to do anything you don't-" She cut him off with a kiss and then pulled away to look at him, her green eyes trying to convey something she couldn't with words. He nodded once. That was all it took.

For them this had always been easy, each others bodies, but it had been so long and he just wanted to relearn everything about her, because he wasn't the same guy, and she sure as hell wasn't the same girl. His finger caressed the underside of one breast and she let out a tiny yelp, leaning into his touch slightly. He grazed a thumb over her nipple and she shook, trembling under his touch.

"Gahh, Nate, I need." He nodded, understanding. His hand dropped down slowly, just barely touching the top of her bikini bottoms until she whimpered and pushed his fingers the rest of the way. He groaned at the feeling of her hot, damp skin. Even in the water it was obvious how much she wanted this.

You chew me up, you spit me out. Enjoy the taste I leave in your mouth. You look at me, I look at you, neither of us know what to do.

His fingers touched her gently at first but when she arched her back in response he delved two fingers inside of her and she moaned in response. He leaned down, kissing her neck, biting and licking, leaving marks, wanting to show everyone that she was his. Her hands touched him everywhere, his shoulders, his abs, until finally they wrapped around him, and she gave him a look.

"Nate, now." He nodded and kissed her roughly, pulling her bikini bottoms all the way down her legs. She shoved his trunks off him and he grinned.

"Whatever you say Ms. Davis." She gritted her teeth as he braced himself at her entrance. Her hands rested on the side of the pool, holding herself up a bit and his eyes met hers one last time before she took charge and sunk down on top of him, leaning forward and biting down on his shoulder to keep from crying out. He groaned and held her sides tight enough to leave bruises. She moved slowly at first, her hands now on his shoulders, but quickly abandoned that for a quicker pace. She moaned after a second and he just kissed her, slipping a hand between them to find her clit, just knowing. And seconds later she was clenching around him, her muscles milking him for all he was worth. Nathan tried to hang on a few more seconds and then he let it go.

"Brooke." His voice broke over her name as he leaned over her, her back scraping against the pull. She ran her fingers through his hair and grinned, pressing sloppy kisses to his shoulder. She wasn't sure, but she thought she felt him mouthing into her shoulder. And it felt a lot like I love you.

_There may not be another way to your heart so I guess I better find a new way in. I shiver when I hear your name, think about you but it's not the same. I won't be satisfied 'till I'm under your skin._

End Chapter

So...blushes, I feel kinda naughty. What do ya think. I know, this took a while. But I was hestinant about writing Le Smut. Did I do good? Review. Review or I won't write another word :P Love you guys, your reviews make me all happy! Next chapter I'll give shoutout to some of you!


	8. Chapter 8

A/N Okay, so I know that this story hasn't been UD in about hmm, forever, so I know you guys must hate me. But life happened. All my other stories are going to be updated within the next few days so keep in eye out. I think Haze has about 7 more chapter so watch for those too. Thanks for being so loyal, and I understand if you guys wanna throw tomatoes at me or something.

Brooke woke to the sound of Nathan paying the room service boy. She ran a hand through her tangled hair, feeling every muscle in her body protest with the movement. She couldn't help but smile at that. She couldn't exactly remember how they got from the pool to the room, but once there she could remember all the things they did. First came a long shower that they never got dressed from, and then instead of the quick, hot romp in the pool they spent the night having slow, lazy sex that was just as, if not more passionate. And she couldn't be sure but Brooke thought that just as she was drifting off before sleep came she heard Nathan murmur I love you while half asleep. Nathan walked the little cart of food into the room and grinned when he saw her awake, propped up on one elbow, sheets falling dangerously low on her naked chest. He climbed onto the bed on his knees and leaned down slowl to wake her completely with a slow open-mouthed kiss.

"Nate, I've got morning breath." She admonished him slightly, and pushed gently on his shoulder. He wrapped his arms around her middle and tackled her playfully to the bed, tangling himself around her and pressing sloppy kisses to her shoulders.

"And I obviously don't care. God Brooke, do you have any idea how amazing you are?" His voice lowered and she could tell he was obviously up for some more action. _Up_ being the key word to that statement. He was clad in only boxers and his arousal was evident. she laughed and rolled away from him, flicking on the TV to play dumb.

"Oh, so you're gonna be that way? Well, two can-" He stopped midsentence, his eyes frozen on the screen and her head swiveled around, but she heard the voice before she saw the face, and knew. Haley James was on the screen, fingers stroking the piano, head thrown back singing on Good Morning America. She looked gorgeous, make-up and hair impeccably done. Immediately Brooke moved out of Nathan's touch. He saw the expression on her face, falling so quickly back to that broken Brooke that he had worked so hard to get rid of. he touched her shoulder and felt her muscles tense up.

"Brooke." His one word held a whole world of questions and she swallowed hard. Brooke shook her head and fixed a smile in place. She gestured to the TV.

"She looks amazing, don't you think?" She sounded falsely cheery and he sighed. So it was this.

"Not half as gorgeous as you Brooke, she's never been as gorgeous as you. She's never been it for me. Don't you know that?" His warm blue eyes captured her green ones and she looked at him for a long moment, memories flooding her thoughts.

"I know Nate."

_Brooke scurried in from Peytons house, wondering at what point during the third night of their hoes-over-broes rediscovery tour had she passed out from the pitchers of margaritas they had made. She smiled at the thought of being back in Peyton's warm bed again. It felt good to have forgiven her best friend. She was almost to her front door when Nathan came out of the shadows at the side of her house making her jump about a foot in the air. His hands were jammed in his pockets and an air of uncertainty surrounded him. _

_"Nathan, what the hell?" Her voice held a mixture of laughter and confusion and she could see he was a bit drunk. He smiled a bit and stepped onto her porch. _

_"Brooke, do you remember us?" He wasn't slurring his words, so he wasn't shitfaced but she could see that his eyes were slightly glazed. She raised an eyebrow. _

_"Us, who?" She sounded amused at his backward question, wondering if he had like a multiple personality now or something. He shook his head and gestured back and forth between them._

_"Us, me and you. Do you remember when it was just me and you?" He looked down at the ground for a second and she was suddenly reminded of the scared little boy that Dan would yell at for just being a kid. She sighed, too hungover to be having this conversation, and tucked a strand of hair behind her ears._

_"Yeah, I remember Nate." Her voice sounded tired and Nathan dragged a hand through his disheveled hair. He looked seriously messed up. _

_"We were so good Brooke, me and you. We were fucking epic. I was only myself around you." His voice was completely honest and Brooke pulled her key out of her pocket. _

_"We were kids Nate." He shook his head. _

_"I loved you and I know you loved me. How did everything get like this?" He sounded so pitiful and she knew her next words were cutting but she'd held them in for so long. _

_"Well you broke up with me and started plowing my best friend. You broke my heart Nate, and now it can never be like it was." She felt her eyes filling with tears against her own will. She missed the girl she'd been when she was with Nate. She missed a time before she was so jaded. _

_"Me and Haley got married." He watched her eyes widen with shock and he held up his left hand. _

_"You have got to be kidding me. People don't get _married_ in _high school_." Brooke shook her head and looked closer at the ring. It was definitely a wedding band. _

_"We did, we got married and I don't know, things with her aren't like things with you. She can't be you. And now I'm worried that I got the wrong girl." He took a step towards her and she turned the key in the lock and opened the door. _

_"Well, thats going to suck for you I guess Nate, but you lost me a long time ago. I'm not the girl for you." She saw Nathan shaking his head as she closed the door and his next words rang in her head for the next month. _

_"You'll always be the girl for me Brooke Davis." _

Brooke shook her head, not having thought about that night in a long time. Neither of them ever mentioned it again, and sometimes she wondered if he even remembered it. Apparently he did. Nathan wrapped his arm around her and pulled her close, leaning his forehead against hers.

"You will always be it for me Brooke Davis, that's it. Ever since the first time I saw you when you were four. You're just the girl for me, and you'll have to deal with it. I'm never going to let you go again." He smiled when he saw her melting into him, lacing her arms around his neck and leaving a warm kiss on his cheek before she buried herself in his chest.

"Please don't leave me alone again Nathan. Okay?" He nodded, his face buried in her hair. He wouldn't.

"Now, you ready for some pancakes?" She looked up at him and smiled.

"Blueberry?" He nodded and she kissed him sweetly. The kiss heated up quickly and she moved so she was straddling him, the sheet falling away. He raised an eyebrow at her and she laughed, her hand trailing low on his abdomen.

"Pancakes can wait." She grinned at him and he laughed, pushing her hair back from her face.

" I thought you were hungry." He watched her eyes light up.

"I am."

My first born for your reviews!


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